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Trees a Crowd/Transcript
Lacey Burrows: A little help, please? Am I that weak? Brent Leroy: Oh, it has nothing to do with strength. It's all technique. Lacey: Oh, I just have these skinny little arms. Brent: No, it's physics and leverage. It's like arm wrestling. I've beaten guys twice my size, I've been beaten by little guys. Doesn't matter how big or skinny your arms are. Lacey: Really? Brent: Yeah. Here, I'll show you. Okay, well, if your arms are that skinny, it does matter. Brent: What are you gonna do with a front-end loader? Hank Yarbo: What, are you kidding me? I'm going to load things, from the front end. Brent: You don't know how it works, do you? Hank: I appreciate the basic concept. It can be used for unloading things, for example. Brent: Hey, remember when were kids we had that tree house? Hank: Yeah. It was a great tree house. I wonder if it's still standing. Brent: Sure it is. Hank: How do you know? Brent: That old tree house was such a big part of our childhood, if it had fallen down, part of me would just know it. Plus I can see it right over there. Lacey: I'm worried about that guy. Davis Quinton: Yeah, bacon and sausage. That's a lot of cholesterol. Lacey: No. I'm worried he might skip out on his bill. He finished like an hour ago, but he keeps ordering coffee. Davis: Don't worry. You've got a police professional right here. I'll monitor the situation. Wanda Dollard: There's a situation? Davis: We're worried that guy might dine and dash. Wanda: What guy? Davis: Police! Freeze! Wanda: Good work, Starsky! Lacey: Stop that guy! Customer: Aaah-oww-oww! Karen Pelly: This is the guy you meant, right? Oscar Leroy: It's great to see you again, Peg, just great. Peg: Oh, I don't get out to Saskatchewan much anymore. But you have to make an exception when you get new grandkids. Oscar: Oh, what a cutie. She'll break hearts. Emma Leroy: For the fifth time, it's a boy. Oscar: Big hands, looks strong. Peg: Well, I gotta get back to the madhouse. A new baby, and the hot water heater's broken. Oscar: Oh. I can fix that for ya. Peg: Really? Oscar: Sure. Emma: You might want to hire a pro. The last thing Oscar fixed was breakfast, and he broke the toaster. And we weren't even having toast. Peg: Nonsense. It would be wonderful to have a man around. Tomorrow afternoon? Oscar: Great. I'll be there with bells on. Peg: Bells are nice. Bring your tools too. I'll see myself out. Oscar: Yeah. Oh, that Peg, what a great gal. Isn't she great? Seeing her again was just... Emma: Great. Was it great? Oscar: Yeah. Ugly baby, though. Hank: I coulda swore that tree was bigger. Brent: Yeah, it's just kind of a bush. This is like a bush house. Hank: Looks good, though. Yeah, when I build somethin', it stays built. Brent: I built it. Hank: I built the rope ladder. It's still there. It's chain now. Brent: Have you been secretly comin' here during the weekends doin' renos? Hank: I don't think so. Maybe I was sleepwalkin'. Kid: Hey, get away from our tree house! Brent: Hey. Hey, kids. Are you using this tree house now? Kid: That's our tree house. Brent: Oh, sure. It just used to be ours. Kid: Is that right? Brent: Yeah, well, we just came by to see it. Kid: Well, now you saw it. Hank: Hey Brent, there's comics up here. Brent: Don't pay any attention to him. He sleepwalks. Lacey: That was amazing, the way you took that guy down. Karen: Nothing to it, really. Lacey: I know, it's not strength. It's leverage and physics. Karen: No, it's strength. Davis: And teamwork. Wanda: She took out the bad guy, you polished a car with your pants. Davis: I put him in the cruiser afterwards. Lacey: That was kung fu, wasn't it? Where did you learn to kung fu? Davis: It's very difficult. You have to make sure he doesn't bump his head. Wanda: You're my hero. Lacey: I wish I could kung fu like that. Karen: It's just basic self defence. And kung fu isn't a verb. Davis: Once he's in the back of the cruiser, he's neutralized. Wanda: Neutralized? You take the stun gun to him? Davis: No. There's a special latch. He can't get out. Karen: Could you teach me to kung fu? Karen: It's not a verb, but OK, I could show you a few moves. Wanda: I could. Lacey: You can kung fu too? Wanda: I could get out of the cop car. Davis: You could not. Lacey: I'm gonna learn to kung fu. Karen: Does she know what verb means? Davis: Wanda thinks she can get outta the cop car. Wanda: Unless I bump my head. Davis: Don't laugh. It happens. Hank: Cute kids. A little bossy. Brent: It's great someone's still using that tree house. Hank: Yeah, yeah. Although, a chain ladder? I don't know if that's as good as rope ladder. Brent: No. I mean links could rust, links could hurt your fingers. Hank: Leave link marks. Brent: They were kinda bossy, weren't they? Hank: Little punks. Brent: All right kids, it time you got out of our tree house. Kid: Well, I don't think so. Hank: You're comin' down one way or another! Brent: All right, let's not get confrontational. Now, listen...ow! Was that pellet gun? You coulda shot my eye out! Kid: Yes, that is a risk. Brent: All right, Hank. It's time to get confrontational. Hank? All right, at this point I'm gonna be running. But don't mistake this for a victory. He's just my ride, is all. Ow! Ow! Lacey: Okay, come at me. Oscar: What? Lacey: Karen taught me a kung fu move. Just, just swoop your arm at me. Oscar: It's not my style. If I was gonna attack ya, I'd sneak up on ya. Lacey: No, no, no. You gotta attack me a certain way, 'cause I only know one move. Oscar: I don't swoop. Idiots swoop. Lacey: I see. Isn't that a BLT? And here I thought Emma didn't want ya eatin' bacon. Oscar: All right, all right. I'm swoopin'. Lacey: Oh. Okay... Oscar: So you got your black belt yet? Lacey: You did it wrong. Emma: Hey, idiot. I thought I told you to clean out the car trunk. Oscar: Who put this sandwich here? I can't eat this. Emma: Trunk, go. Oscar: So, Emma, everything all right? Emma: Why? Because I don't have a stupid smile pasted on my face 24 hours a day like a moron? Lacey: Well, as long as everything's good. Davis: You won't be able to get out. There's a special latch. Wanda: Yeah? Well, I'm smarter than the average, ah-aaah! Davis: See? It happens. I'll come back before you run out of air. Wanda: Bring some ice. Davis: Hey, what's that, snow chains? Oscar: They're old. You want 'em? Davis: All right! Hey, Wanda, look what I scored, free chain. Wanda: Cool. Where did ya get 'em? Davis: Well, Oscar was...hey. Wanda: I told you, I wanted ice. Brent: Well, that was kind of embarrassing. Hank: No one needs to know, right? Brent: That's right. We never talk about this again. That was no fair. They had a gun. Hank: We coulda lost an eye. Then no more fun and games. Except for pirates. A lot of pirates have just one eye and they have lotsa fun and games. Brent: We should go back to the not talkin' about this. Hank: Right, yeah. That was our tree house, Brent. Brent: True. Hank: We built it of our own flesh and blood. Brent: Not true, but I follow ya. Hank: We can get it back. To, to defeat a child, you gotta think like a child. Brent: You are uniquely qualified. Hank: I have a plan. Brent: Your plan sucked! Hank: Shoulda used cabbages! Lacey: Oh. If you're worried about things with Oscar, you shouldn't put out negative energy. Subtext is very important in a relationship. Emma: I'm sorry. You've been married how long? Lacey: I'm just sayin, you should try a little romance. A little goes a long way. Emma: Believe me, there's only a little and it's been a long way. Lacey: Okay. Emma: Oooh! Emma: Thanks for cleaning out the trunk. Just for that, I'll make a special dinner tonight. Oscar: Hot dog! Peg: Thanks again for the invite, Oscar. Oscar: The more the merrier. Pass the carrots. Lacey: Come on, swoop at me. Davis: No. I have to watch Wanda not get out of the car. Lacey: She's not doin' anything. Davis: She can't. There's a latch. Lacey: Come on, swoop. Davis: Is this gonna hurt? Lacey: No. Davis: You were right about it not hurting. Lacey: Oh, this kung fu bites. Wanda: I think you need to hook his elbow. Lacey: Yeah? Davis: Okay, let's try this again. Get back in. Come on. Hank: Hey. I think we're overlooking somethin' in this whole tree house battle. Brent: Yeah, the fact that we're not 11. Hank: No. What's the one super power that adults have that kids don't? Brent: Laser eyes? Hank: Money. Money's power, Brent. Brent: Oh. Is this where you try to borrow some power off me? Hank: No. No, no. Can I borrow 20 bucks for an unrelated thing? Brent: If you're gonna bribe 6 kids, you better make it 30. Hank: Good point. Brent: Watch the store, Houdini. Wanda: Yeah. Davis: Please. Do it again. Come on, double or nothing. Wanda: Double or nothing what? We're not betting anything. Davis: I thought it was just an expression. Emma: When are you going to stop moving the spoons? Oscar: What? Emma: The big spoons go in the space for the big spoons and the little spoons go in the little spoons space. Can you handle that? Oscar: I didn't know we had a spoon drawer. Emma: Just stop it! Stop moving spoons! Oscar: You're not really upset about spoons. What's eatin' ya? Is this about the salad forks? Emma: You want to know why I'm upset? Peggy, that's why I'm upset. Oscar: She did somethin' to our spoons? Emma: You're a married man, Oscar! Oscar: Aw, don't be ridiculous! I'm just goin' over there to fix her pipes. Oh, come on! She's a grandma! Emma: She's two years younger than you. Oscar: Yeah. But I'm not gonna hit on a grandma. Eew! Emma: You just watch yourself! And respect the spoon system! Oscar: You move spoons too. I've seen ya do it! Brent: Okay, 47.50. That's our final offer. Kid: Interesting. I'll run it past my people. Brent: We await your decision. Brent: No more of your stupid plans. Time for my stupid plan. Brent: Ah, yeah, that's right! Get your own tree house! Hank: Did you see the look on their faces? Brent: Oh, yeah. Actually, no, I didn't, because the bucket was up. Hank: Yeah, me neither. But I bet they were all like, "Aaaaaagh!" Brent: Yeah, really. "Aaaaaah!" Keep runnin'! Peg: Thank you for doing this. Oscar: My pleasure. You remember little Brent? Peg: Hasn't changed a bit. Lacey: You say you can kung fu, but your kung fu doesn't have much kung fu to it. Your kung fu sucks. Karen: I can kung fu. Davis: I bet you can't do handcuffs. Wanda: Bet what? Davis: Nothin'. It's just an expression. Wanda: I read up on this stuff. I know how to get out of handcuffs. Davis: You get outta these and we're even. Wanda: How are we not even now? Lacey: Ow! Karen: She swooped at me! Oscar: It should be comin' out hot soon. Peg: Oh, thanks for doing this. Oscar: Oh, my pleasure. We go back a long way. Peg: Oh, we've had some good times. Oscar: Yeah. Peg: They don't have to all be behind us. Oscar: What? Peg: Come on, Oscar. You didn't really come over just to fix a water heater. Oscar: I did. I really came over to fix it. It should be fixed. Please, let me fix the water heater. Peg: Come on, Oscar. Oscar: It'll be hot soon. Peg: We could make it hot right now. Emma: Hey. Thanks for the relationship advice. Lacey: Aw. Emma had a romantic dinner with Oscar. Karen: Oh. How did it go? Emma: Oh, it was great. Bottle of red wine, scented candles...Peggy. Lacey: Peggy was there? Karen: Who's Peggy? Lacey: Why'd you invite Peggy? Emma: I didn't invite her, Oscar did. Karen: Who's Peggy? Lacey: Well, why are you taking advice from me? I'm not married. I'm not even in a relationship. Karen: She's not even on the market. Lacey: I'm on the market. I, I'm just not yeah, aw. Karen: What? Lacey: I'm not really on the market, am I? Emma: Oscar's over at her place right now. Karen: He's at her place? You don't have to put up with that. Lay down the law. Emma: I will. I'm going over there right now. Thanks, Karen. Karen: Who's Peggy? Brent: Come on, let's just go. Hank: I'm finishin' the comic. Brent: Take it with ya. Hank: I can't just take their comic. Brent: We took their tree house. Uh-oh. Kid's Dad: My boys tell me we have a little problem. Brent: Maybe. No. Why? What have you heard? Kid's Dad: They got kicked out of their tree house. Brent: Oh. It was a bit of a misunder... Kid's Dad: Ah, no need to apologize. Boys will be boys. How old are your kids? Brent: My kids? Oh. Old enough to know better. That's how old my kids are. Kid's Dad: Yeah. They don't listen. Wait a minute. You're Brent from the gas station, right? I didn't know you had kids. Brent: Oh. Well, they're my nephews, my brother's nephews. Kid's Dad: Wouldn't your brother's nephews be your kids? Brent: Well, not technically, because I don't have a brother. I mean... Hank: Okay, Brent, I'm done. Brent: That's Uncle Brent to you. Wanda: We have a two-for-one on toilet paper if you have the coupon. Customer: No, no coupon. Wanda: You didn't happen to see a price on here, did ya? Customer: No. Wanda: Oh. Customer: Is everything okay? Wanda: Yeah. Why? Customer: Ah, I don't know. Davis: You bought your toilet paper. Now move on. Wanda: I don't suppose you want to buy a hairpin or a small nail file? Peg: Well, feel free to burst in. Emma: Where is he? Peg: Who? Emma: Oscar. Peg: Oscar? Oscar's not here. Emma: Then who's in the shower? Peg: You remember Marvin, from high school? Marvin: I sat behind you in math class. Emma: Oh, yeah. Wanda: Davis, can you take these handcuffs off? Davis: Handcuffs got ya beat, eh? Wanda: I mean take them off the table! Davis: How did ya do that? Wanda: Ah, a good magician never gives away her tricks. Davis: That's why everybody hates magicians. Wanda: Here's your keys back. Karen: Okay, now live up to your end of the deal. Wanda: Fine. Hey, Lacey. Learn any of that kung fu? Could you show me some moves? Lacey: Well, all right. Swoop at me. Wanda: Okay. Oh! I'm completely neutralized! Oh, I've never felt so neutralized! Oh! You're crushing my... Karen: She's done now. Lacey: Wow! It finally worked. My, my energy must be really aligned or something today. This is even more impressive than you escaping from the cop car. Wanda: Too true. Lacey: Well. Wanda: You gotta get that latch fixed. Karen: Yeah, I'm on it. Hank: Whoa. Drop it. Kid's Dad: After you're finished that, we got some logs to move. Brent: All right. But then we're even. Kid: We'll see. Hank: See? I told ya we'd find a use for this front-end loader. Brent: Yeah. When you're done there, get your old uncle a drink. Emma: What's this? Oscar: You were right about Peggy. She was no good. I just wanted to show ya that, that I appreciate you. Emma: Oh, Oscar. Mmm. Aren't these the leftovers from the dinner I made you? Oscar: Yeah. Would you heat 'em up? I think I broke the oven. Emma: You romantic. Oscar: Hey, these candles didn't light themselves. Emma: Oh. Category:Transcripts